covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You need a sexual gate keeper
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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