dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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