am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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