he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
