Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
