$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
