I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
