There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
