vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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