i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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