More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
