did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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