Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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