dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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