I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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