that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this hospital has no fireball
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who died my cat blue again?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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