Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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