if you like me you must not know who I am
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have demons in me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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