I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
