Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
