Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
