I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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