i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
