I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
