Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
