Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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