I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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