you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
