we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
