I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
