Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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