He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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