i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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