ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
