we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
