I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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