Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
