dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
