I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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