Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
