I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
