is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
