I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
