totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
