Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
