I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.