it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?