He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.