Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.