shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno