Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.