So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
