Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
