never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
