You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
