I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
