I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
