Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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