my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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