Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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