I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
