cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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