Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
