I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
