I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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