Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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