So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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