we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
