You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
