It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
