What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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