Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
