she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
