I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Shame - the story of my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
