I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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