last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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