do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
