I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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