I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
