Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've blown a few things in my day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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