It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
