Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
being pregnant is like rehab
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
