Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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