i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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