my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
