there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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